Well, Day 1 of my pledge didn’t really go too well. In fact, it didn’t really go at all.
I didn’t post anywhere (other than a comment or 2 – which don’t get me wrong is not a bad thing) or job hunt or do any Flylady stuff.
You know what I did do?
I had a conversation with my daughter, who I’ll call “The Beanlet” for now. First off, The Beanlet and I don’t see each other everyday. For a variety of reasons (another post another day I promise), Beanlet lives with her dad, my ex-hubs#1. She comes over for 2-3 hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays and stays with us every-other weekend.
So when I picked her up yesterday, she was full of hugs for Momma and it ruled. When we got to the house, she found these little battery-operated candles that Jack brought home the other day. She immediately started talking about church.
See, at our church (we’re Unitarian Universalists), we start our service by lighting a chalice. When we go downstairs to the kids’ classes (called Religious Exploration or RE), they have the EXACT SAME little battery operated candles that they “light” at the start of class.
So The Beanlet grabs one of these little candles at the house and tells me she wants to sing the “church song”. The last two times we’ve gone to church together they’ve ended her kids class singing this song. I taught all the kids to sign it so Beanlet could join in. So we sang the little song together in sign language:
This little light of mine
I’m gonna let it shine
Let it shine, Let it shine, Let it shine.
We stopped for a second. I asked her what she thought the song meant. We talked about that for a minute. Then we stopped again. I asked her if she wanted to “talk about church more”. She said yes!
So we started talking about what she believes about God. Here’s what I learned:
- God is real. She saw him when she was a baby.
- God wants us to be nice to each other.
- God doesn’t like stealing.
I asked her a lot of questions. The language barrier (I’m still not nearly as fluent in sign language as I want to be) made some of it difficult. For example, when I asked her what God thought about caring for the Earth – she didn’t really understand the question…I guess we’ll have to work on talking about environmental principles one of these days.
As a UU, I believe that The Beanlet deserves to figure out what she thinks about the divine for herself. I’m still figuring out a lot of details about what I believe myself, so I don’t really expect the Beanster to have all the answers yet. But I really enjoyed talking to her about it. And I’m really proud of the Beanlet.
And you know what, Internet? I’m proud of myself too. For asking these questions and having this conversation with a 6 year old. For spending some Quality Time with the Beanlet. And for being able to set aside all the shit I was dealing with yesterday in my own head.
I mean I stepped outside of myself long enough to get to know my Beanlet. I can be a good mom sometimes. Go me.