E-tards and the Crazy Bitches who love them

 

Setting: This afternoon. The apartment. It’s crowded with stuff because, well, 3.5 people live here and it’s only about 800 square feet. We have a lot of stuff. Anyway, setting continued: Bro-Ham is on his netbook in his ass-print on the couch. Jack is in my recliner on my laptop. I’m at the craft table with my 15 year old BFF, helping her with her homework.

Jack:   Wanna hear the Quote of the Day my Aunt emailed me?

me:   Which Aunt?

Jack:   Grace.

me: TOTALLY!

Jack: “Bigamy is having one husband too many. Monogamy is the same.”

Me & my BFF:   Cackling & gasping MWAHAHAHAHAHAH OMIGODTOTALLY!!!!!!!

Me: Ohmigod you totally have to send that to Beth!

Jack: Ummmm….

Me: Would you just forward it to her for me?

Jack: Ummmmm….

He catches my eye with this really super bashful, almost-sheepish but totally trying not to laugh at himself look on his face.

Me: hesitantly Do you not know how to Forward something?

Bro-Ham and my BFF are totally paying attention at this point. Hanging on to our every word, if you will.

Jack: hanging his head ever so slightly No.

I tried REALLY REALLY hard not to let there be a TOTALLY awkward gasp or something have time to happen before I responded.

Me: Okay, babe, you see the button that says forward?

Jack PICKS UP THE MOTHERFUCKING MOUSE AND STARTS LOOKING FOR A BUTTON THAT SAYS FORWARD

Jack:     There’s a button that says Forward on this thing?

At this point BFF & Bro-Ham are almost falling out of their chairs and peeing themselves holding back their giggles. Me? I was laughing, but I honestly wasn’t sure if he was joking or not…

Me: No, at the top of the e-mail, honey.

Jack: to BFF:    Now you know: I’m a total E-Tard.

BFF: OHMIGOD!!!!!!!!      E-TARD!!!!

I’m totally laughing now, but in my defense so is Jack…

Me:  Okay, honey, look at the top of the email — they’ll be something that says Forward or an arrow pointing to the right (yes, I really did have to think about whether that button pointed right or left — probably a lot longer than a not-crazy-lady who wasn’t laughing her ass off)

Jack: Okay, got it.

Me: Click that.

Jack: Okay, now what?

Me: type in the address. You know what? Just send it to me and I’ll get it to Beth.

Jack: Okay…. K–?

Me: Oh shuddup you know my email!

{END SCENE} 

Note: In all fairness to Jack, he did confirm to me later that he WAS in fact joking. He asks that I confirm to my readers that he was, in fact, aware that the “Forward Button” was at no time located on the mouse.

I would like to point out that if he was joking then he would be an awesome British comic with their ridiculous deadpan humor… I’m just sayin’ honey…

So, I got the email from Jack on my Blackberry and forwarded it off to Beth:

 Subject: Fw: Quote of the day!
To: beth
From: katie
Date: Thu, 16 Dec 2010 00:26:37 +0000

Jack got this from his aunt. I thought of u so I taught him how to fwd emails (to is credit, he did apologize for being a “e-tard”) so I could get this to u 🙂
Hugs,
Katie

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Went on Facebook Later:

This is my first attempt at editing and posting a screenshot… I’m incredibly proud.

 

To his credit, Jack has had a great sense of humor about the whole thing. He has even patiently listened as I expressed my frustration while I figured out the whole turning-a-screenshot-into-a-jpeg thing. Even though I’m sure to him it was pure babble.
 
He is an E-Tard after all…
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About Katya

Teetering on the Edge of Crazy but the view's pretty rad out here View all posts by Katya

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