I’ve decided a lot of things in the last few days:
1. I need to be prepared to let *her* go. (See my last 3 posts if this doesn’t make sense to you.) I have done all that I can do. Everything left is up to her and I can’t force anything or do anything different at this point. At least not anything that has any hope of improving things. I can only cause harm at this point. So I’m done.
2. I’m going to make some serious lists and plans for how I want my life to look in the future. Then I’m going to break those down into Actions or Habits to Try. But all will come back to my single, 2011, New Years Resolution.
Which brings us to today’s topic:
My New Year’s Resolution for 2011 is….
(I expect you all to hold your breath while you’re scrolling BTW – I’m a bitch like that sometimes I guess)
I will be the change I want to see.
This is paraphrased from a famous Gandhi quote. His version read: “Be the change you want to see in the world”. (at least that’s what it is according to Almighty Google. That’s right, my fact-checking is unrivaled. Except by those who actually check facts.)
I am reading another wonderful book right now called The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. Okay, well I started reading it like 3 hours ago. So I’m only in Chapter 2. But the intro is AMAZING. I was seriously tempted to photocopy the intro & deliver it to *her* to show that my theories and my worldview are far more valid and affirming than hers. But I’m questioning my motives there (i.e. am I doing it to show her she’s wrong or to help her?) so I probably won’t do it.
Anyway. I’m tired of living in CHAOS (Can’t Have Anyone Over Syndrome, source: FlyLady). I’m tired of feeling like there’s so much I want to accomplish that I never get around to it. I’m tired of blaming the boys’ inaction and apathy for everything. It’s exhausting and I’m done.
So I’m adopting this resolution: I will be the change I want to see.
FlyLady says that I shouldn’t wait for my family to start helping out more. I can start to do these things and as they see them being done regularly, they will naturally learn to help out more because they like it when the house is nice too. (Though Beanlet will definitely get some lessons on how to do housework. I never got them and I majorly regret that.)
Gretchen Rubin points out early on in the book that she cannot change others: only herself.
A.J. Jacobs, the author of The Year of Living Biblically, which I just finished (it’s AMAZING), experienced first-hand the theory of cognitive dissonance. He describes in great detail how by incorporating new activities and rules into his life, his attitudes and belief systems started to change.
These are things I believe are true. They are absolutely real phenomena and beliefs and truths. I wanna get me some of that!
So I’m making 1 blanket resolution for 2011. Kind of like I did for 2000 (but without the tattoo to represent it… no money and I don’t know what I’d get to represent my resolution this time). (Oh, and back in 2000, my resolution was “To Live for Today” – still struggling, still understanding what that means, but it was a good one – and I have a kanji on my left boob that means exactly that).
2011: This year I’m in charge. I’m taking back control of apartment 7J, Bitches! And after that — the world! Shit… No, that’s a bit ambitious yet. Maybe after the apartment, I’ll get to the car. That’s more realistic. Everything in moderation, right?
I know that my resolution is simple. That’s deliberate. But it can encompass so much -so many ideas can be included in just this one, simple phrase.
And I’m going to still make lists of actions & habits I’d like to incorporate into my life in the coming months. But those are all a means to an end. The end is to Be the Change I want to See. Not only in the world, though Gandhi did have a great point, but also in my household, my community and my life.
You know what? I’m happier just from making the resolution. But now comes the hard part: keeping it.
More soon, Internet.
PS I really appreciate the reads, follows, & comments coming in now. Thanks so much to everyone who has found me recently. I sincerely hope you will come back again soon…