Daylight Approaches

It’s a little lighter today. The last few days really.

About fucking time.

I went into the hole again. The hole of crippling depression and debilitating anxiety. Not sure how long I was there but I estimate the downslide started about six weeks ago.

I hit bottom again. Hard. I think I heard an audible *thud* more than once.

Then I ran out of my trusty Effexxor for a couple of days.

AARGH

Crippling pit – approaching

*THUD*

Apparently this hole had a yet further bottom to fall to.

Motherfucking-lying-piece-of-shit-emotional-hole.

Sometimes it feels like a hole that’s deeper even than emotions. Like there’s something fundamentally missing deep inside me – not sure I believe in the “soul” as a reality, but it’s as good a word as any for what I imagine. A hole in my soul.

I found my way back to church yesterday. I’d been avoiding it for several weeks after some drama and humiliation went down.

But it felt good.

And in the evening I went to my women’s group. Where I was greeted with hugs from the most awesome inter-generational group of women I’ve ever known.

I came home to more drama. Jack and W had had a fight. A justifiable one given the afternoon but still — it’s not a fun thing to come home to.

But we worked through it — the 3 of us together.

And that felt good.

I reported to my women’s group during check-in last night that I think I’m on the upswing from this episode of depression.

And it’s true. I am.

There is daylight on the horizon…

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About Katya

Teetering on the Edge of Crazy but the view's pretty rad out here View all posts by Katya

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